In my work with clients, I have often noticed that there is usually one individual—the “sober person”—who recognizes the need to seek help. During their narration, it becomes clear that their story also carries the unspoken struggles of others who are not physically present in therapy but remain deeply connected to the situation.
In family therapy, the central focus is not on the individual alone, but on the patterns of relationships and interactions within the family system. For instance, consider a case where a teenage girl is brought to therapy by her maternal grandmother because of the effects of her father’s drinking. In such situations, the presenting client (the teenager) may not be the source of the problem, but rather the one carrying the weight of a larger systemic issue.
Problems tend to persist when a person’s ways of understanding themselves and others become “stuck.” In such situations, therapeutic conversation offers opportunities to create new meanings and narratives by giving voice to what has been “not-yet said”
This raises important therapeutic questions:
How do we identify the root causes of distress that extend beyond the individual?
What patterns of interaction sustain marital dysfunction or family struggles?
How can therapy address the problem as the problem, rather than labeling the person as the problem?
By exploring these questions, therapy moves toward uncovering the underlying issues within the family system and creating pathways for healthier relationships and healing.
The family as a system
The family as a group experiences strongest loves and strongest hates, they enjoy their deepest satisfaction and experience their most painful disappointments. The action of one member is likely to affect the entire family.
Marriage and family therapists are advocacy of mental health practitioners who have gained skills overtime in areas of psychotherapy and family system. These are licensed individuals and registered with the relevant bodies. They diagnose, come up with a treatment plan in the context of family. As a family therapist I focus more on the interpersonal relationships and how they influence the entire system. This approach helps a client to understand their dysfunctionalities and their genesis. A family’s pattern of behavior may influence the individual’s way of thinking and doing things. In such a case during therapy we consider the system to be greater than its unit.
Benefits of Marriage and Family therapy
Multiple individuals – a therapist can offer intervention to individuals, couple and families including family of origin. For example, a family seeking for divorce can be supported ranging from children to their parents in order to maintain health relationships with each other.
Effectiveness in treatment – Mental health challenges with individuals and families are challenged. For example, a child who is not performing well due to parental conflicts is able to verbalize their ordeal in front of their parents who have the best interest of their son or daughter at heart hence prompting them to change for the sake of maintaining homeostasis in the family.
Open communication clarity of rules and expectations pleasurable interaction and a range of emotional expression and empathic responsiveness.
Problem Dissolving
Problems begin to shift through meaningful conversation, as clients learn to speak about their challenges in new ways. Dialogue opens the door to change by reshaping and redefining the meaning a person attaches to their experiences and beliefs.
Through conversation, perceptions can move from seeing issues as pathological to viewing them as part of normal human experience, and from broad generalizations to more specific, manageable understandings. In this dialogical process, the client and therapist work together to co-create fresh perspectives on the problem.
This is less about solving problems in the traditional sense and more about dissolving them—allowing rigid meanings to soften and new, more helpful interpretations to emerge.
Trust
Healing takes place when our individual uniqueness is acknowledged, and at the heart of this process is trust. A person who lives in trust feels at home in the world; without it, one becomes uneasy, restless, and even a stranger in their own life.
True healing cannot occur in isolation or disconnection—it happens within relationships that nurture trust. This is why, when people enter therapy—often during a crisis—they do so cautiously, with protective strategies fully engaged.
For therapy to be effective, the therapeutic relationship must be built on a holding environment where trust can gradually take root. In such a safe space, clients feel empowered to open up: the closet of fear can be unlocked, the pool of anger can be expressed, and the walls of silence can finally be broken.
Beth Njoroge - Director/Lead Counsellor at PillaDev Psychotherapy and Consultancy. Marriage and Family Therapist with over ten years of service.